Monday, May 18, 2009

Lady Belle

I fell behind with posting here because of Lady Belle, my sweet dog. A couple of weeks after my last post, we had to put her down. Her mouth was getting worse and we didn't want her to suffer. She was 15 years old so she had a wonderful, long life. It tore me apart to lose her and I was not able to post about it until now. It has been 2 weeks since she died and time has healed me a lot. I was a complete mess for 3 days and was struggling quite a bit for a whole week. I still miss her terribly and wish we had had a choice, but I am feeling much more peace about putting her down. As time goes on, our new routine, which doesn't include her, has made it easier. At first I didn't even want to have a routine without her in it, but since that was impossible to accomplish, I am now able to walk into my room and feed my other dogs without breaking down in tears. I didn't WANT to walk into my room and see her bed and be okay with it. I wanted to stay sad every time I saw it even though it was so painful. It's weird, I know. She was just a dog, but until you love something unconditionally and have it love you back unconditionally, you won't understand. I lost 3 dogs between ages 17 and 27 but none were this painful. Lady Belle was MY first dog...all mine. Not my dad's or mom's or brother's, etc. I picked her out because she was adorable and fun and I knew I could love her so much. Now take 365 days x 13 years (she was 2 when I got her)...she was part of my EVERY DAY for 13 years...she was with me through a divorce, a move to TX, my parent's divorce, my marriage to my husband, she was with me through all the places I lived in between, through "inheriting" 3 children almost overnight when I married my husband, through the pregnancy and birth of my daughter and has watched my kids grow up. She wasn't a BIG part of any of that of course, but she was THERE. Now she isn't. It hurts my heart.

This picture was the day before she died. I love it because you can see the pain in my face and it helps me remember how much I loved her. You can also see the side of her mouth is hanging a little low - that is where the cancer was and her mouth was beginning to hang lower and lower and she was drooling puss from that side.

And this one I had enlarged to 8x10 and framed.

Sweet dreams my precious girl.

1 comment:

  1. I understand completely what you mean about how hard it is to lose your pet. I felt the exact same way about Peace and Fruity and cried for a very long time, still do at times when I think about them. I couldn't get another cat until several months after they had both been gone. I had to put Fruity down in April 2006 & then had to put Peace down in Nov 2006. It was a terrible year! I had Peace from the time she was just about 6 weeks old and Fruity was 5 months so believe me, I know how bad your heart was hurting! It is a REALLY hard decision for us, but so much better for them not to be hurting anymore. Love you Gretch! Hope you're feeling a little better with your loss. She was a cutie! I love you picture up above.