Spoke too soon

How ironic that 2 days ago I posted about how excited I was about the little tiny baby inside my tummy. Yesterday was the day God allowed that baby to go to heaven.

I was touring a birth center when I started bleeding just a little. I told the midwife who we were interviewing with and she said to go home and stay in bed until I stopped bleeding. However, I went home and it just got heavier and the cramps started. This morning, after bleeding and cramping all night, I called my doctor and made an appt. She did a urine test and said it was still positive but just barely, which means the HCG hormone is most likely leaving my body. Which means I am currently miscarrying. She also did a blood test and will do another one on Sunday, then Monday she will compare the 2 blood tests and see where my level is then. It doesn't look good though.

The hardest part about this I think is that there's nothing I can do and nothing I did do that caused it. That means next time there's no guarantee I won't experience this again. I am thankful that, if this had to happen, that it happened so early. I only had 5 days of knowing I was even pregnant. I am saddened though that I have wanted a baby for so long and when I finally got one it didn't "take".

But I know God is in control and is sad with us. I know this isn't what he wanted and that we live in a fallen and sinful world where bad things happen. I'm praying and trusting that his will for us includes a baby in our near future.